Pitches That Worked: Men's Journal

We map a freelance pitch from a news-based nugget of an idea to a 6,000-word survival epic

By Blake Gernstetter – July 12, 2010

When a small local news item captivated writer Justin Heckert, he knew there was a bigger story to be told. "I read a small, buried article on CNN.com about this extraordinary event in which a dad and his autistic son were swept out to sea," says Heckert. "They survived, treading water, after they'd been separated during the night. It seemed perfect for an ambitious narrative story." Heckert pitched the idea to a few outlets, including Esquire and The New Yorker, but it never got off the ground. A few months later, he got a serendipitous email from Terrance Noland, executive editor at Men's Journal, whom he had met earlier at an industry event, asking if Heckert had any story ideas. "I never geared the pitch any differently for any publication I sent it to," says Heckert. "I was certain, initially, that it was just a story about a father and son." Here, Heckert and Noland explain how his story idea surfaced as a 6,000 word feature, Lost in the Waves, in the November 2009 issue of Men's Journal.

What the Writer Did

Justin Heckert:

I initially pitched the story to an editor at Esquire a few months before I got that initial email from Terry. I'd written a few things for the editor before, but never a feature. The editor loved the Walt-and-Christopher idea when I sent it to him in the winter of 2008. I had also called Walt and told him I was a writer interested in talking about what happened to him -- something I thought would help the pitch, and help me to sell the idea to an editor, if they already knew Walt was on board. The Esquire editor was going to try and get it green-lit, and he said he'd get back to me. I badgered him for a little while, never hearing much back, and so I had to move on. About five months had gone by since I first pitched it, and that's when I heard from Terry, which was the journalistic equivalent of a godsend. Terry and I were judging the same category in the City and Regional Magazine Association awards last year [2009], and he sent me an email and asked if I had any story ideas. So it wasn't a normal circumstance of me reaching out to Terry and trying to get him to pay attention to it. He was already paying attention.

At first I sent him a few sentences about the idea. When he said he was really interested in this particular idea (which turned out to be "Lost in the Waves"), I sent him the pitch. The pitch wasn't that long, and it wasn't that masterful, and it wasn't something I'd worked to polish like I was writing a shorter version of the story. I hate writing long pitches -- I just wanted to get the idea out there in a few paragraphs.

The Pitch

From: Justin Heckert
To: Terrance Noland

The father and son drifted out into the ocean.(1) They were treading water, slipping below the surface and fighting for air. Walter and Chris Marino were pulled out to sea at 7:30 p.m. on a Saturday night in early September by the outgoing tide at Ponce de Leon Inlet, in Florida, where they had been swimming together. As the sun dropped below the surface, and as the light dimmed from the water, Walter, 47, the father, finally let go of his son so they wouldn't drag each other under. (2)

As the night went on, they drifted farther apart, miles from shore. Walter tried to keep Chris, 12, calm, yelling out phrases from Disney movies like Toy Story. "To infinity!" he would shout, and Chris, who is autistic and doesn't say much, would yell back, "And beyond!" (3) After several more hours, Walter heard only silence. Then he was alone in the complete black of the sky and water, treading for his life.

When Walter no longer got a reply from his son, he yelled some more, and then was convinced Chris was gone. And so that whole night, in the dark, he thought about his daughter. He could not let his daughter lose her brother and her father on the same day. He forced his legs to move.

When the coast guard found him the next morning, after he'd treaded water alone for 15 hours, Walter was asked if he'd wanted to go to a hospital or stay on the boat and continue the search for his son. "They asked me if I wanted to be above or below," he told a Florida newspaper, "And I chose to be below because I knew Christopher, in my mind -- that Christopher was gone and I didn't want to see, you know, my son floating facedown."(4)

"So the Coast Guard stops the boat and says, 'Mr. Marino, we need you to come up,' which I thought was code for 'We need you to come up and identify the body.' And that was my green mile. Those three steps -- I mean, I just needed help to get up to the top to see. And when I got up there, they pointed to the helicopter and said, 'See that helicopter over there? That has your son, and he's fine.'"

Which is the other part of this story. Chris survived, too, miles away from his father, treading as he'd been taught in the pool by Walter. Three men in a fishing boat found him 9 miles from the coast, head bobbing, legs kicking. (Both father and son had only severe hypothermia, and were stung several times by jellyfish.)

Walter had taught his son how to swim at the local YMCA, while he was growing up, had taught him how to float, too, and Chris had remembered everything he was taught. Chris, his dad says, has always loved to float and tread. And those things saved his life. (5)

I think this is a story of a richly compelling narrative of the ordeal that both of them experienced in the ocean, a story of epic survival (6); I also think it's really a story about a father and son. (7)

Why the Editor Bit

Terrance Noland, executive editor, Men's Journal

I was familiar with Justin's work from judging the City and Regional Magazine Association Awards. He'd won "writer of the year" when I was judging that category, so I knew he was talented and I knew what he was capable of producing. Then we connected by email when he was a co-judge in a later year of that same contest. Out of that interaction I actually invited him to pitch me ideas, asked him if he had anything special percolating, and he sent me this pitch. No doubt my familiarity with his work had a big influence on how receptive I was. It didn't matter to me whether those were stories from a national magazine; when I look at clips I'm just looking to see if someone can flat-out write -- if there is a real voice there, if he or she can tell a story, and if there's some spark there or some risk-taking in the writing that elevates their pieces beyond the standard fare.

We didn't know how just how layered the piece would become, but there was at least the whiff of possibility, and sometimes that's enough to take a leap. It ran as a major feature in the magazine. I think I assigned it at 3,500 words, and it wound up running more like 6,000, which says a lot about Justin. It turned out to be an amazing story, one that evolved as Justin reported it. The core survival tale remained, but all the complex family issues -- the difficulty of raising an autistic son and the split between parents on how best to do that, and the pivotal moment/decision at sea when the father has to push the son away -- all that was like a gift from the gods. But I credit Justin for seeing those things for what they were and for fully utilizing them in the piece. My experience with him on this piece definitely made me want to use him again, and in fact right now he's looking into another possible feature for us.

Key Components of the Pitch

(1) Use a lead that grabs the editor's attention. Back to pitch

(2) The writer concisely introduces the characters, date, time, location, and conflict.Back to pitch

(3) Including dialogue brings the reader into the moment. Back to pitch

(4) By quoting a newspaper, the writer demonstrates he has researched the subject.Back to pitch

(5) The writer is able to convey the survival tale succinctly. "Too many writers will send a long sprawl of an idea, and it's clear they don't have a good bead on the story," says Noland. "They are just throwing a bunch of information at me, hoping something will stick. That gives me no confidence in the writer. I like to feel that the writer has a good sense of the story and what it could be." Back to pitch

(6) Noland says, "I also like to see some conviction, some passion from them. But you can't fake that passion. If you don't really believe in a story, don't push it as if you do. That will burn you down the line." Back to pitch

(7) In your pitch, be sure to indicate why this particular story will resonate with the publication's audience. "While there was an obvious compelling survival tale at the core, it hinted there was something more going on -- that there was a father and son element that would resonate with readers and elevate the piece beyond merely an adventure tale," Noland says. "As an editor, I'm always looking for those extra layers that will give a piece some complexity and depth."Back to pitch

Pitches That Worked: American Way

This writer's clear vision, unique story premise, and smart research helped him break into this in-flight mag

By Blake Gernstetter – August 31, 2010

A good writer can recognize a glint of a story in almost any situation. When this freelance writer discovered an unusual character in passing, he pursued the nugget to a full-fledged narrative pitch. Here, the writer and editor chronicle how a casual convo between friends led to a 2,000-word feature in American Way's July 15, 2009, issue -- not to mention an ASJA award and repeat gigs with the pub.

What the Writer Did

Steven Beschloss: I'm always looking for unexpected profile subjects -- especially stories with strong twists and turns where people changed their lives to follow their passion. So when a friend mentioned in passing that a Sonoma County resort has a croquet pro, I stopped her and asked lots of questions. I learned that Jerry Stark is a former autoworker who quit the GM assembly line to play the unlikely game of croquet, that he's one of the best in the world and a hall of famer on a pro circuit that I never even knew existed. Once I discovered that -- and saw a picture of him clad in whites with a long red beard -- I knew I had a story.

Then it was a matter of finding a magazine that would "get" the story. I was looking for a magazine for travel stories and profiles, so I was looking at a lot of in-flight magazines. I knew American Way ran longer profiles, so I picked that one. I send all my pitches through email, especially to editors I don't know. Actually, mediabistro.com's How To Pitch column onAmerican Way helped me with a lot of details. I knew [Chris] was the one to contact since he was the one the article interviewed.

I pitched to him on July 29th, and I didn't hear back for 10 days. (I usually wait about a week to ten days after I pitch to a publication to hear back.) So I re-sent it just to make sure they got it on August 6th. I assumed it wouldn't be happening, since I didn't hear back for two and a half months. But then, Chris emailed me back saying, 'We'd like you to do this.'

By that time I had already started looking for other magazines. I never doubted that this story was a bad story; it just needed to find the right home. I pitched to Reader's Digest and a couple more in-flight magazines. Not much changed in the form of the pitches -- it felt like the pitch itself was Jerry's story, and it didn't need to be changed. I only pitched to magazines that I felt would take it the way I had written it.

Our agreement was a 2,000 word piece and most of the piece was a focus on Jerry's narrative on his story. As we started, Chris wanted a little bit more of Jerry (the profile subject)'s voice through quotes. He also wanted the lead of the story to be more effective. Otherwise, not much was changed. The pitch was pretty clear from the beginning what the story would be about and with Chris, he was very good with describing what he wanted. Most editors aren't as clear about what they want, but Chris was great with telling me how he envisioned it. American Way has gone on to ask me about other articles. The result of this first-time pitch ended up winning a writing award from ASJA, the American Society of Journalists and Authors. A happy ending.

The Pitch

From: Steven Beschloss
To: Chris Wessling

For your consideration:

Playing Croquet, Seriously:
When Jerry Stark lost his auto assembly plant job in Kansas City (1), he donned his whites and joined the professional croquet circuit. His friends thought he was crazy, and not just because there wasn't money in it. Come on! Isn't croquet a game kids play in lumpy backyards with chipped balls and bent wire wickets? (2)

Today, Stark is having the last laugh (3) -- and the time of this life. As the resident pro at Meadowood Resort in Napa Valley for nearly two decades (which also produces wine), this croquet world champion and national hall of famer teaches guests the art, ethics and sheer force needed to play and enjoy croquet. A big man with an orange handlebar mustache (4), Stark joins them in his finest whites on a pristine, full-sized lawn (35 X 28 yards), one of the nation's best venues. I propose joining Stark there (5) to tell the improbable and amusing story of one man's unlikely journey and share with readers some surprising facts about a game that they thought they knew. (6)

By way of background (7), for the last three years I worked as Managing Executive Editor and occasional writer at The Ritz-Carlton magazine (links to two of my cover features from Moscow and London are below) and served as the founding editor of 6 magazine, a new luxury lifestyle magazine launching this fall. I have contributed to dozens of publications, including The New York Times, The New Republic, The San Francisco Chronicle, TV Guide and The Village Voice.

I hope this idea intrigues. I'd be glad to send you others.(8)

Best Regards,
Steven Beschloss
[Phone number redacted]
An award-winning writer, editor and filmmaker with more than 20 years of experience producing content for international audiences, Steven has a passion for travel and a deep commitment to excellence in art, design, style and fine writing. A former editor of The Ritz-Carlton magazine, Steven has written for dozens of publications, including The New York Times, The New Republic, The Village Voice, TV Guide and The Wall Street Journal. A graduate of Haverford College and the master's program of Northwestern's Medill School of Journalism, Steven's film work has been seen in more than 20 countries and translated into more than a dozen languages.

MOSCOW feature: (9)
http://www.mediabistro.com/portfolios/samples_files/ouXLQYDZCEXrr_KXxVeDHfuTd.pdf

LONDON feature:
http://www.mediabistro.com/portfolios/samples_files/tiyUjU3HYiS2Z9yGk9bmLHgKZ.pdf

Why the Editor Bit

Chris Wessling, senior editor, American Way: Steven's pitch was our initial introduction. The fact that Steven had written for a number of major publications was a plus, as it helped establish his credentials. But beyond that, I liked how he crafted his pitch as much as the angle of the story itself. I don't have set-in-stone requirements for new writers -- a lengthy list of clips from well-known publications is a help, but it's not a must-have. A great pitch is really what catches my eye and holds my interest.

Steven's pitch was spot-on in a number of respects. It was brief and clear. If a writer can't clearly explain what he/she wants to write about in a graf or two (and make it compelling), then I start to wonder if the writer really has a strong vision on how a 1,000- or 2,000-word story will come together. It was already written like the lede of an actual story, so it was easy to see that Steven understood the writing style we prefer at American Way. It had the "who knew?" factor -- who knew there were pro croquet players. It had the "take this job and shove it" factor -- a fantasy that millions of people have every day. It had the "fish out of water" factor -- auto factory employee transforms himself from a blue-collar worker to a whites-wearing croquet player. It had the "perseverance and dreams do come true" factor -- Jerry Stark pursued his unlikely dream despite the doubters, eventually becoming a hall of famer.

Key Components of the Pitch

(1) This attention-grabbing lead draws you in, and immediately relates to the reader. Said Wessling, "It had the 'take this job and shove it factor -- a fantasy that millions of people have every day." Back to pitch

(2) This "who knew?" element adds intrigue to the story idea. Back to pitch

(3) Not only has the writer approached his pitch the same way he might approach the story ("It was easy to see that Steven understood the writing style we prefer," said Wessing), he introduces a character transformation to the narrative. Back to pitch

(4) Incorporating telling details, like the subject's orange handlebar mustache and pristine outfit, help the editor picture the scene. Even better, they prove the writer's interest in the story idea, and they show the writer has done some research. Back to pitch

(5) The writer's suggestion indicates he would have access to the subject and has thought about the reporting process.Back to pitch

(6) A direct reference to the takeaway for the magazine's readers is another selling point for an editor evaluating whether a story pitch is a fit. But remember -- it only works if it would genuinely resonate with the magazine's audience. Back to pitch

(7) Always demonstrate why you're the writer for the job -- provide a short bio highlighting relevant experience. Back to pitch

(8) By signing off this way, the writer leaves room for discussion: Even if the editor should pass on this idea, the writer offers to suggest others in the future. Back to pitch

(9) Including links to clips, rather than attachments, is frequently the preference of editors. Try to limit your selection to the most relevant, recent stories. Back to pitch

Blake Gernstetter is mediabistro.com's associate editor.

Did your awesome pitch lead to an assignment? Editors, got a winning query in your inbox that other writers could learn from? Share the love and let us feature it in the next issue of Pitches That Worked.

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Query Letters that Worked from Media Bistro

Pitches That Worked: Men's Journal

We map a freelance pitch from a news-based nugget of an idea to a 6,000-word survival epic

What the Writer Did

The Pitch

Why the Editor Bit

Key Components of the Pitch

Pitches That Worked: American Way

This writer's clear vision, unique story premise, and smart research helped him break into this in-flight mag

What the Writer Did

The Pitch

Why the Editor Bit

Key Components of the Pitch

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

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